This is my quandary; I write with an open heart this morning; naked; not trying to express things in a way that I hope you understand, but actually sharing how it is for me in my world right now; in my world of having visions, ideas, which in honesty plague me!
Sometimes I feel like I took the wrong pill - plug me back into the Matrix so I can go back to sleep and sleep sound and ignorant! Grrr!
However, I am awake and alive; I see the sun shining high in the sky this morning and feel the power of the spring surging through my body and this endless need to activate and do something. To do what? To listen to people, endlessly, I hear stories; people come to me, they tell me things and I see into their hearts; I see their possibilities and their hopes and fears; I see how they love their children, their mothers and fathers, their husbands, wives......or not.
Always, the presence of love is there and how do we work with that in a world of planners and governments and banks that want to organise and plan and legislate and re-numerate? How can we legislate the love in our hearts? How can we plan the love in the hearts of the people? The love that is there.... that lies dormant, asleep often.....the Planners don't awaken visions and passions in the hearts of the people, Love does.... and how do we work with this Love? It's so simple it makes me want to run away, far far away and disengage, simply because I get to feel so much frustration that people seem not to see the Love that is there; in the eyes of everyone we speak to - if we know how to look, then we will see.
So, now you know how 'crazy' I am......I am crazy in Love with Love; and I have to be in Love; I cannot exist any other way - I'm not talking about romantic love - as lush as that can be! I'm talking about the love that compels us to speak with passion, to act with passion, to be there with another person and to love them and not to force them to do anything.....
The government makes a plan.....it buts lots of money into writing the plan.....and lots more to make the plan happen....but is it truth? Is it what people WANT? What do we want? We have to engage in a continual practice of listening to ourselves and each other to find out; and guess what? What we want changes! Continually!!! Things will never be the same again.
A young man I know recently came to speak to me; one of his friends had committed suicide - his 5th friend to do such a thing. What does this young man want? Why does he think I can help? I listen, we go to the beach, we work together to light a fire on the beach, he talks, I listen; I ask him questions so I can feel him more, feel his heart, find out who he is, who does he want to become, what is his passion? he is the same age as my daughter.
A young man who people mis-judge - mis-understand - in trouble with police and peers alike; a boy who didn't get on in school; BUT he has a dream; he has a passion; I find out what it is and feel joy in my heart as I see how he transforms himself by simply speaking about it.
There are things that can happen now; things he can do if he wants to; he also speaks about misconceptions and freedom. Freedom!!! What is it? He realises his freedom on the inside; so the eternal question remains - What to do? Sometimes nothing, sometimes lots of things.
So now, this young man wants to find out what people in his community really think about young men such as him (hoodies) he is courageous enough to ask questions and listen to their answers and then to see what could happen next.... we don't know - we have no plan; just an understanding of the next bit that needs doing...ahhhh now we do this bit.....
Imagine, a group of young men, with questions and welshcakes, standing on the corner, stopping passers by and asking them questions about their perceptions of youth.....and then listening to their answers....
Last week I witnessed my neighbours door being kicked off its hinges and thrown into the garden. The police came over. As we spoke I told them about this young man and his friends and what they are wanting to do - they were interested and wanted to help; so the next part of what to do emerged....almost by accident - or some mysterious design that is beyond our understanding........
The young man loves cars; he is passionate about them - as it turns out he wants to have his own business, initially valeting cars, then fixing them......and who can help him realise his dream? I don't know, however he has asked me to help him find out. He is interested in the Zimbabwe work, interested in how it is for young men of his age there... a connection, a seemingly impossible connection - yet I know a young man his age in Zimbabwe, and they will speak to each other. Who knows what will come of that..... the future will tell us... we cannot plan these things.. they simply happen when we listen.
He wants to do a charity car wash in our local supermarket - to raise money for our Zimbabwe work and to get local people knowing he is there as a community service for them... how amazing! How do we make this happen? The next steps unfold with each conversation; it's easy.
So, why today? Why this blog? Why do I Surrender today of all days? Because I believe that is the only way to live. How can any plan I make to force reality and the world to conform to be better, more inspirational, more passionate than the truth and beauty that comes from people's hearts when we take the time to listen to them!!!!
I'm going to meet Sirolli today - in Blaenau Gwent; a county that is so close to my heart; I have walked in those mountains, I have sat under those trees that have been the guardians of the valleys there for generations; I have listened to what they said.....do this.....sit here....shut up....act now.....stop.....
I first heard about Sirolli a month back from Rhidian (Swansea Foundation - best business support i have ever had and believe me I have been to loads of supposed business support....that's another blog in itself!!!!) so Rhidian tells me to get this book - Ripples from the Zambezi - I read it and feel great this is so how I have been working.....it was just joyous to hear of this work!
Then the following week I am in a meeting with Sam, from Promo Cymru - great things happening at the Ebbw Vale Institute by the way! I got goose bumps just walking around the building!!!! She tells me that Sirolli is coming to Blaenau Gwent.....that there is gonna be some kind of project happening there..... I am immediately ambivalent! Joyous - thank goodness! And frustrated!!! Great, I have been shlepping around this place saying this stuff for years and feeling not listened to and quite frankly getting nowhere fast!!!! What am I to do??? I can't explain, except to say, I'm going to the workshop and I pray for good outcomes and possibilities - for myself as a self-employed person and for the people of Gwent who this is for...........
A self-employed person - that's how I create my income - I live with no security, no stability, probably on my wits a lot of the time and definitely in deep trust that my next months bills will be paid! So far, it's worked a treat!! To be able to keep open to movement, to know my opinions and my passion but yet not to be fixated upon them and open to change..... and to somehow support my children, my house, my home and my other interests. It really is a great way to live!
So, knowing all of the synergy that is there in possibilities, I'm now gonna go put my make up on, finish my hair, get into my car and drive in the glorious sunshine through the Neath valley, up the Heads of the Valleys road and see what the day will bring........
I don't really know the purpose of blogging; I don't really know what makes a good blog - what i'm supposed to write about or not.....but I hope with this blog that you have felt my heart and felt my passion and my purpose and you feel your heart and your passion and purpose as you read.
Mitake Oyasin - For all our brothers and sisters wherever they are in the 4 Directions of Earth!
Have a great day!!
Claire
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